Perfect and fearful or good enough and brave - What the research tells us about Perfectionism

Many children like to do their best at school and take pride in getting things right. But when doing well turns into needing to be perfect, it can cause stress and worry—especially if children become afraid of making mistakes or disappointing others.

Recent research here in Australia has helped us understand more about how perfectionism shows up in children aged 7 to 12, what challenges it can cause, and how adults—both at school and at home—can support healthier thinking.

What the Research Shows

1. Perfectionism starts earlier than many people think.
   Studies have found that even primary school children can develop perfectionistic thinking—especially around Year 3 and upwards. Some children feel pressure to get everything right, or believe that they’re only doing well if they don’t make mistakes.
   
   In a 2024 study, researchers found that children who were very focused on avoiding mistakes were more likely to feel anxious or overwhelmed at school. These children often struggled more with tasks they found difficult, not because of ability, but because they were afraid of doing something wrong.

2. Feeling pressure from others can make perfectionism worse.
   One study involving gifted primary school children found that the more children felt that adults or teachers expected them to be perfect, the more anxious and withdrawn they became. They were also less likely to take learning risks, like trying something new or asking for help.
   
   This tells us that children are often very aware of what they think adults want from them—and that those expectations can shape how they see themselves.

3. How we talk about mistakes really matters.
   Another study looked at how parents respond to their children’s mistakes and efforts. It found that when parents praised effort (like trying hard or sticking with something tricky) and responded calmly to mistakes, their children were more confident, more willing to try new things, and less anxious about failure.
   
   In contrast, when parents focused mostly on achievements (like perfect test scores or neatness), children were more likely to develop perfectionistic thinking.

4. Short programs in schools can help.
   A 2024 pilot program delivered in a few Australian primary schools taught students about healthy thinking, self-talk, and how to cope with making mistakes. Even after just two lessons, students in the program showed lower levels of perfectionism and self-criticism, and said they felt more comfortable handling setbacks.
   
   This shows that perfectionism can be addressed early—and that small changes can make a real difference.

Why This Matters

Perfectionism can lead to stress, avoidance, and self-doubt, even in bright and capable children. While it’s healthy to care about doing well, it becomes a problem when children believe they must always be perfect to be “good enough.”

The good news is: perfectionism isn’t fixed. It can change, especially when adults around children send the message that it’s okay to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to keep going.

What This Means for Us

Children look to adults for signs of what matters: if we value effort, problem-solving and resilience, they will too.

The way we respond to children’s mistakes—at home and in the classroom—can help them feel safe to take on challenges.

Schools and families can work together to support healthy thinking and emotional well-being from an early age.

Bests,

Charlotte | Student Wellbeing Psychologist

References

1. Lloyd, S., & Wade, T. (2024). School-based intervention for perfectionism in children aged 11–12. Flinders University.
2. Wade, T. et al. (2023). Parent-led CBT to reduce perfectionism in children aged 7–12. Centre for Research Excellence in Youth Mental Health.
3. Noor, A. (2023). Gifted students and the experience of perfectionism in primary school classrooms. Frontiers in Education.
4. Jiang, J. et al. (2024). How perfectionism relates to school stress in children aged 8–12: An Australian study. Personality and Individual Differences, Elsevier.